Apartment Above Stark Industries, Saturday Morning

[imafuturist]

Tony had not expected any visitors this weekend. At least no one who gave him any damn warning before hand. Which meant he might end up finding his own version of Barton sleeping on the couch after raiding the fridge for food.

And that wouldn't be too bad, actually.

Instead, he woke up to Jan blowing up his phone with text messages and a headache.

On the plus side, at least Steve's guest was pretty great. He really should make a point to get to know the Sam Wilson back home. But, for now, he was making some coffee so he could function on a human level.

[For the guests and housemate!]

Comments

[imafuturist]

"Hank," he said with a sigh. "Expect text messages from Jan. Another person you guys don't seem to have."

The last part was added for Sam.

[bird_costume]

"She's the one who sends you all those cat videos, right?" Sam asked Steve, who grinned a little sheepishly and nodded before going back to his room to retrieve his phone.

"He sends them all to me with a 'regards, Steve Rogers' note," Sam said, laughing and shaking his head. "Sometimes he's too much."

[imafuturist]

"She also has him on Snapchat," Tony replied, watching Steve go with a fond look. "Don't let the old man thing fool you too much."

[bird_costume]

"He's messing with me?" Sam asked. "Do tell."

[imafuturist]

"He lives to mess with people," Tony said with a laugh. "He's only inviting us to run so he can lap us."

You know this, Sam!

[bird_costume]

"Oh, that part I knew," Sam said. "Just hadn't realized he'd expanded his trolling into the internet, too."

A thought occurred to him. "He's starting flamewars, isn't he?"

[imafuturist]

"He has discovered Reddit," Tony said with a sigh. "I'm concerned what would happen if JARVIS didn't have parental controls on some of the less savory things?"

[heroic_jawline]

Steve came bouncing back into the room. "Jan's texted me approximately twenty times in the last three minutes."

[imafuturist]

"She's concerned." Which she showed via an ungodly amount of emojis.

[imnotantman]

Which was, apparently, the most dramatic time for Hank to stop being microscopic and basically appear in the middle of the kitchen. Yeah, just... learn to deal with this drama, Steve and Sam. This was your future.

"I don't know why she'd be concerned."

[bird_costume]

Sam absolutely did not shriek like a tiny, tiny boy.

Just putting that out there and making it very clear.

He reached for napkins to mop the coffee off of his shirt. "Most people knock."

He left off "you crazy person" because his mama raised him right.

[heroic_jawline]

"So that's what those emoticons meant," Steve said.

[imafuturist]

Yeah, Tony mostly just had a strained expression at the fucking extra nature of his friends. Sort of friends. It was complicated.

"Hank. Can we not act like this?"

[imnotantman]

Hank was just going to give Steve A Look for being in communication with Jan. Because of course he was.

"It's not like you keep in touch very well, Tony." And maybe smirk a little at poor, poor Sam. "Wasn't he brainwashed last time we saw him?"

[heroic_jawline]

"Was who brainwashed?" Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Hank his very best unimpressed look.

[imafuturist]

"Sam was," Tony said, pouring Hank a cup of coffee and shoving it into his hands. "Years ago now. He's fine."

Again, blame HYDRA for that shit.

[bird_costume]

"Here I sit, unbrainwashed and without any coffee because someone had to show up and be able to change sizes," Sam said, holding out his mug for a refill.

[imnotantman]

Yeah, Hank just made a face at him before taking a pointed sip of his coffee. It was things like this that got him decked by SHIELD personnel. Was he going to learn his lesson? No. No, he was not.

"I also have a shrink ray gun if you want to try it out."

[imafuturist]

"Hank." He was not about to have his apartment wrecked here, guys.

[heroic_jawline]

They'd finally gotten the shark out of the sofa!

"No one's shrinking anyone today," Steve said firmly, slipping into his Cap tone of voice. "Can't think that Tony invited you to visit him, though. Maybe you'd care to explain what you're here for? The coffee's not that good."

[imnotantman]

...ew. Hank did not want to know if that was some weird euphemism for something.

"I invited myself. I'm getting awful board being nice about not just shrinking Osborn until he's stuck in the Microverse, you know."

[imafuturist]

Oh yes, just what Tony needed to think about happening. "We've talked about this! You can't just--"

Be a crazy vigilante? Yeah, that would go over well.

[heroic_jawline]

"You can't just go around shrinking people," Steve said severely.

[imnotantman]

You're not his real dad team leader, Steve!

Which was why Hank was just going to keep playing with that shrink ray in a vaguely threatening fashion. Once upon a time he was a reasonable pacifist, you know.

[imafuturist]

Tony hated new, edgy Hank. He missed stodgy old Hank who was always talking about how they could reform people rather than shrink them.

"Still think Steve should go running with him?" Tony asked Sam, focusing very hard on shorting out the gun with his mind. If it worked, it would just be added to the list of things he should not be able to do.