Apartment Above Stark Industries, Saturday Morning

[imafuturist]

Tony woke up to an ungodly cacophony that pretty much only he could hear. Data streams, stray satellite feeds, basic tech in the house...

He made a small noise of pain, shoving the heels of his hands against his eyes like that might help, and went through a mantra of 'make it stop, make it stop' inside his head, not hearing the concerned:

"Sir? Sir, you are overloading the local processo--"

Until everything just... suddenly stopped. And he was able to look around what seemed to be a living room without any pain. Because of course he'd passed out on the couch last night rather than his perfectly ergonomic bed. Not that he even knew about said bed at the moment, but still.

"What just happened?" he asked himself quietly. Or maybe he was asking the voice. There'd been a voice, right?

Come Monday, JARVIS was so not going to be a happy camper about being forced into blackout mode by a panicked technopath. Words would be had on the subject, Stark!

[open yesss]

Comments

[heroic_jawline]

Steve blinked. "Well...you weren't in bed with me," he offered, "so that probably means roommates."

Beat.

"You wouldn't happen to know my name? I found a really weird costume in the closet and a red, white and blue shield that I tripped over, but no wallet."

[imafuturist]

"Which leaves friend or cousin open." A beat. "Or I did something wrong because I woke up on the couch."

He frowned, patting at his own pockets to make sure he hadn't missed a wallet either. But he was Tony Stark and other people carried wallets for him. He did, however, find a strange card instead. "Is that me?"

Look, he hadn't found a mirror yet.

[heroic_jawline]

"It is!" Steve confirmed eagerly. "You're an A. Apparently."

[imafuturist]

"I really hope that's not my name," Tony muttered, turning the card to look at it closer. "Maybe we have a costume club?"

Because the actual fuck was he wearing in that picture? And what was going on with his bangs? The beard was... eh.

[heroic_jawline]

"Maybe?" Steve said. "That seems normal?"

If it was normal, why was he ending everything with question marks?

[imafuturist]

"Show me your weird outfit," Tony decided, trying to take control of this bizarre situation. "Maybe there are more clues on it."

Like another A. It was like they were the shittiest buddy cops with amnesia ever.

[heroic_jawline]

"Okay," Steve said, heading back to his room and returning in his blue suit.

Tony probably hadn't meant wear it, Steve.

[imafuturist]

No. No, he had not.

Tony stared for a moment, mouth open in what he was going to say was surprise before turning away to pour himself some coffee that he'd gotten made almost on autopilot while he'd waited. "Okay, if we're in some kind of costume club, I'm thinking it's the kind where costumes come off for money."

[heroic_jawline]

Steve poked at his costume. "You think? These seams seem pretty sturdy. I can try it?"

No, Steve.

[imafuturist]

Tony, tell him no. Tell him no.

"I don't know," he said with a tiny bit of panic at how this situation had gone so far. "That's what it looks like at least."

God damn it, Tony.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve shrugged and gave his non-reinforced sleeve a cautious yank.

...darn you, SHIELD, and your non-super-solider-proof clothes.

Here, Tony, have a view of Steve's entire arm.

[imafuturist]

Well, really, they were just helping SHIELD make it better. In the long run.

"Well, that answers that question. We're apparently strippers."

IT DID NOT ANSWER IT AT ALL, TONY.

"You are very muscular."

[heroic_jawline]

"Well, it's part of the job," Steve said. "...apparently."

A horrible thought occurred to him. "...so what does the A stand for on your card, then?"

[imafuturist]

Tony frowned and tried flexing like that. And, while muscular, in no way like that. "Name of the strip club maybe?"

[heroic_jawline]

"It must be," Steve agreed. "I haven't found my wallet yet. Bet I have a card too..."

And a name. Sigh.

"I did find a notebook full of weird words, though: Berlin Wall, Star Wars..."

[imafuturist]

"That's... pretty weird," Tony replied slowly. But then again, how he'd woken up hadn't been much better. "I think I might have shorted out the TV."

And almost everything else in the house. Jesus, Tony.

[heroic_jawline]

"How'd you do that?" Steve asked, pulling the Hot Pockets from the freezer in his one armed stripper suit.

[imafuturist]

"Thought really hard at it?" Tony ventured. "I don't know. I can sort see things. Like text messages. And satellites. And computers."

He blinked at the flow of information.

"I don't know who Tino is, but he searches weird things."

[heroic_jawline]

Steve staaaaared. "So you're like a really good looking robot?"

[imafuturist]

"I don't feel like a robot." A beat. "Which is probably just what a robot would say."

Oh god, he was totally a stripper robot!

[heroic_jawline]

They were going to be SO disappointed in their deductive skills on Monday.

"Probably," Steve agreed. "But you were hungry, so that's anti-robot. Maybe you're a witch?"

[imafuturist]

They really were. Tony would have to make at least three back up plans to prevent this from happening again.

"...I don't think so." He just had a super aggressive annoyance at the idea of magic for some reason. "But sufficiently advanced science and magic are supposed to be close."

A beat. "This seems really convoluted."

[heroic_jawline]

"Kinda," Steve agreed, running his free hand through his hair, making it poof up a bit.

[imafuturist]

Which was pretty adorable, Tony had to admit. Just ignore the way blatant appreciation of all of that he had going on.

With his stripper arm. You harlot, Steve.

He opened his mouth to say something more on the matter, but ended up a little tongue-tied. Which was ridiculous. "Yeah," he settled on.

[heroic_jawline]

Steve gave him a flirty smile. Because he was a stripper. Apparently.